It is a widely accepted theory that the #1 force that motivates human beings not to act on an instinct comes out of the fear of being judged.
This notion makes me feel sad and a little ashamed. It's as though we should just skulk away quietly and accept defeat in the knowledge that we are little more than animals who are instinctually hard wired to live a life void of personal fulfillment - that if we keep a low profile, not making too much noise, we may just avoid becoming prey.
I admit that being human, I have felt this fear.
The constant struggle between obeying your higher self and rejecting your *ceiling fears (*see: terrifying images that dance across the unlit corners of your ceiling as you fight to shut your eyes and force yourself to sleep) is, for most of us, at least a part-time job...the big problem with this type of employment being that there are absolutely no benefits and the ONLY thing your company will match you on is help in solidifying the idea that you are not worthy of your aspirations.
I'm not sure why we're like this and frankly I don't care. What I want to do is accept this collective fear as truth...and then move on from it.
I want to continue to face my fears and chip away at the old lies that I'm being judged every step along the way. I want to put passion and focus on what feels right TO ME and trust that, in time, the right people will take notice and all others will be a muffled reminder in the distance of how far I've come.
And I know that the joy of this adventure will only be magnified by the presence of other people attempting success with the same boldness. This will prove that judgment is nothing more than a myth. This will show that all of us are just trying to live and taste a bit of happiness wherever we see it flowering.
When each of us begins to subtract fear from our own equation, we will eventually see that there is no one left standing on the other side smirking and sneering at us...there is no crowd barking criticism, as we once thought. We will know unquestionably that THIS FEAR HAS LEFT OUR LIFE ...and that if we still feel it lingering, it's not because it's actually there. It's just that old comforts will sometimes fight not to be left behind.
I am going to renew this vow to myself. And I'll try not be discouraged by the thought that the higher I climb, the easier it might be for others to take aim.
And if I ever find myself thinking back on this and despising myself for believing it could work, I'll just take a small breath and remind myself that it is both my privilege and my responsibility as a human being not to cower like prey, but to stand up and take my turn.
